The last two years have dramatically changed who I was, allowing me to step more fully into who I am and to witness the unfolding of who I will be. I’m not even sure who the person was anymore that made the big move from Canada to the US in May 2012 and I don’t miss her at all. I am slowly but surely metamorphosing into the person that I am supposed to be, my true self.
It hasn't come without some hardships and losses along the way, but that’s OK.
I believe that people come into my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
I believe in cleansing my body and soul and creating space for new and exciting insights, shifts and opportunities.
My move from Toronto to Wisconsin wasn't just to be with my one true love as I thought, but it was so that I could finally have the space I needed to emerge into who I am. I still have more work to do in learning to accept and love myself while appreciating where I live and the people I am surrounded by.
It’s been the biggest challenge I have ever faced; acceptance and letting go of so much to get here.
This was my biggest lesson in Peru when I participated in 7 ayahuasca ceremonies. Mother Ayahuasca is the spirit of Ayahuasca and she was teaching me to let go of everything I held tight onto out of fear. I was terrified of every ceremony because of what I was going to be shown about myself, my subconscious, and my past lives. I am glad I went through it because it shook me hard so that I would come to terms with what I was doing to myself, both my body and my soul.
I had so much fear of letting go of control. I was a serious control freak.
Why? It was my protective shield from people. If everything went my way and according to how I wanted it and felt comfortable, then I was “happy.”I could never be vulnerable in front of anyone, no matter what it took. Well, Mother Ayahuasca does not give you a choice. You are extremely vulnerable and it was exactly what I needed to get out of my emotion-proof cocoon!
I was scared of Mother Ayahuasca for at least a year after, I thought of her and my experience there every single night. I would never have done anything like that if it wasn’t for Aurianna Joy, my soul sister guiding me there. She has been my spiritual guide since I met her at a Tony Robbins seminar.
Ayahuasca was not what I expected, but it was what I needed.
Aurianna Skyped with me one night for 2 hours where we talked about her experience and she told me how she believed I needed to get there. She sent me the website of the Temple of the Way of Light which I looked over with my husband and I was hooked! I needed to do this! Especially since we were trying to have a baby, I wanted to clear out space and make a happy home for whenever the baby would arrive.
I highly suggest you check it out! It’s interesting that before this experience, I thought what I needed was external “feel good” stuff like wine, cigarettes, weed, beautiful clothes, fancy cars, fancy houses, but all of that is a superficial cocoon to hide in; a butterfly will never arise in that environment.
I was in a cocoon for so long and I still go back there from time to time because it’s safe.
I am stronger now and more committed than I have ever been to break free from the cocoon and take flight as a butterfly. I kept her back for far too long. I was so afraid of being hurt, I avoided it at all costs but hurt and pain is a part of life and are more tools to learn from, to learn more about yourself and what you’re capable of.
I never gave myself enough credit, or pushed myself but I am more than what “they” say, I am what I say.