The Magic of Surrender

Two years ago today I left to go on a two week trip to London and little did I know at the time how far this journey would take me.  That two week vacation lead to me leaving everything I knew behind and living in Europe for 13 months.  During that time, I traveled to 10 different countries while undergoing 9 months of all natural treatments for healing Chronic Lyme Disease. 

This time last year, I officially committed to making the trek down to Peru to work the the sacred visionary plant, ayahuasca, which turned out to be the single best decision I have ever made for myself.  Despite almost everything in my life "logically" telling me that I "shouldn't" make that trip (no money, no home to come back to, just finishing the most intensive, exhausting 6 months of healing I'd ever done up to that point, etc), I again left everything I knew to follow my heart and intuition to the Amazon jungle.  What started initially as my being a guest for one month at a healing center, turned into me volunteering there for another 5 months.  During my 6 months in Peru I learned more about myself, life, and the Universe than I'd learned in 23 years previously.  The magic I experienced there was out of this world!

Almost 4 months ago now, I once again made the decision to follow my gut to come back to America, not having any clue where I was going or what I would be doing for anything more than about a month after I arrived.  As always, the Universe provides and I have been given some of the most amazing opportunities lately!

Some of you may think I've just gotten lucky, or think, "Oh yeah it's easy for her to live that way but I have X, Y, and Z that I need to do with my life.  I don't have the time/money/energy for that."

To that I say: life is all about the decisions you make in each moment and the priorities you choose to focus your energy on.  Whether or not you are consciously aware of it, you are choosing to be exactly where you are right now in your life.  If the pain of where you are currently were to become great enough, you would move, either physically, emotionally, or both.  But oftentimes we're afraid to step outside of our comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable, because it's our "known hell."  The certainty of the known is seemingly less scary than the uncertainty of entering into the unknown.

I get that.  I too lived there for a long time.  And then one day, I chose to do something different.

Hiking Tumalo Falls, Central Oregon, May 2014

Hiking Tumalo Falls, Central Oregon, May 2014

Yes, it may have been relatively easier for me than some people, being in my young 20's with no real attachments (home, children, etc.).  Part of that is also because I hadn't yet been conditioned to think life HAS to be lived any one way.  And the conditioning that I did have, I was rebelling against pretty hard (that's the Aries in me!). 

But please don't think that I haven't had to give up experiences I would have loved to be a part of to walk this path.  In the last two years I have missed the weddings of four close girlfriends, left a year long relationship, and sold 90% of my personal possessions.  I have no permanent place to call "home," no car, and no guarantee of income coming in unless I consistently put myself out there to the world.  By sharing my story and perspectives with you all, I am opening myself up to judgement and criticism, to being ridiculed and shamed for my beliefs.  That can be really fucking scary. 

But the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Every day I wake up just waiting for the magic of the Universe to reveal itself in front of my eyes.  I am constantly in awe of the way life unfolds when I stop trying to force it to be any one way and instead go with the flow, letting it take me wherever it wants to lead. 

That being said, I recognize that I am an active participant in the co-creation of my life, so I cannot just sit back and expect things to be handed directly to me.

I know that I have to put in energy where it's needed, where life is calling out to me to focus my attention. Whether that be answering every email from followers of my YouTube videos, leaving Mother's day dinner to talk with a sister who was seeking advice on a momentary existential crisis, or giving money to another friend who was out of work due to being involved in a hit-and-run accident.

Every time, I recognize these situations as opportunities to contribute, to be of service to humanity, the Universe, and ultimately myself and my life experience. I gratefully give, without expecting anything directly in return, because I know with every fiber of my being that the energy I put out will be returned to me when I am in need. Whether that be a couch to crash on, a friend helping me with my new website, or taking on new coaching clients, everything is always there exactly when I need it. 

It's not always easy to surrender to the process, to trust that I am being held by something much grander than myself.  I still have my moments (and sometimes whole days) where I think to myself, "WTF am I doing?!  This I seriously CRAZY! I should just go get a real job and forget this whole thing.."  But every time I drop my agenda and release the details to the Universe to figure out, it all unfolds perfectly.

Every time. Without fail.

So now, as I launch my new coaching practice, I am once again surrendering and trusting that the perfect clients for me will come, and I will be the perfect coach for them.


Remember, you too can choose to see the magic, if you are willing to let go of what you think you know.  You too can choose to be a part of this new paradigm that humanity is shifting into.  Are you up for the challenge?

Deep breaths. One step at a time. We got this :)

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